I love Oprah, God knows I do. In fact, I have been watching her show for the last 20 years. She has inspired millions to be better people. I get her. I love her.
Her April 17th show was about wasteful Americans and I was all in. Even though she has an ANNUAL favorite things show in which her audience gets tons of STUFF, I was still rooting for my girl (quietly, with my 3 ice mountain water bottles, reams of paper towels and regular batteries) and then she said these magical words:
“Anyone who knows me, knows that I save toast?”
*SCREECH* Record scratching
What in the Hot Hell?????????
Did Oprah Winfrey just say she saves toast?
Toast that rhymes with Roast?
What in the Benny Hill?…..
Who the hell saves toast?
And if you do save toast, why are you telling 50 kajillion people about your obvious craziness? If you save toast, keep toe nail clippings or old glue droppings imma need you to keep that ish on lock. K? thanks.
Furthermore, let’s really break this down.
People save weave tracks, plastic grocery bags, hell, folks will even try to remix a takeout container every now and again, but the richest woman in the country saves toast? I am so embarrassed for her. I mean at the very least I would have expected her to say, “I save toast…for Africa.”
And because I am next level, I am really trying to figure out what she does with the old toast. Does she just have sandwich bags full of toast chillin’ in the refrigerator? Does she re-toast…the toast? Maybe she uses the pieces of dry a** toast (because you know old toast is as DRY as recycled cardboard) as coasters?
Is she saving it for Steadman? Is she building a toast castle to prove her commitment to not being wasteful? Or maybe she’s building Freddie the Toastman for Gail?
I don’t know or rather…now I DO know and I am mad as hell about it.
hmph.
realfunnystaff
philgoode
shanmoore